A Family Conversation

I was visiting my family in Los Angeles over the summer when my sister Alicia said, “I’m voting for Donald Trump.” That didn’t surprise me; everyone in the family except me is conservative. My mother was a John Birch Society devotee for more than 30 years. The whole household was influenced by Mom’s distrust of government and almost allergic reaction to taxes. My father, six brothers and sisters and I adapted, each in our own way. Now, living near San Francisco as I have for more than 25 years, and very pleased to be part of the liberal Bay Area, I’m accustomed to being an outlier in my family. Still, it was what my sister said next that surprised me. “I know his heart. He really wants to do something good for the American people. I liked him for years, way before he ran for president. I’ve seen a lot of good qualities in him.” I listened with my mouth slightly agape. She continued, “I respected the way Donald Trump built his company, the way he raised his children. I used to watch Celebrity Apprentice. To people who would lose he’d say, ‘I’m going to give a donation to your charity.’” The more she talked, the more surprised I became. The man she was voting for was a prince.

I had a completely different take on Donald Trump. What I saw was a man who had just made terrible comments about Mexico sending us rapists, made fun of a disabled person and tweeted all sorts of misogynistic comments. Eventually he would call for a registry of Muslims, promise he would build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, and threaten to deport all the illegal immigrants. My sister had been active in the theater for many years, and she has a wide array of friends. I consider her accepting and open-minded about people. Alicia continued, “I watched his rallies and saw Latinos and Blacks come up and say, ‘He’s the best boss I ever had.’ I think he’s gotten a bad rap. Even if he made some comments during the campaign that he shouldn’t have, I still feel he’ll do a good job in boosting the economy, bringing jobs and lowering taxes. He works so hard with his companies. I think he’ll work hard to try to create good things for our country.” It was then that I began to suspect that people in the U.S. might be looking at the candidate Donald J. Trump through very different lenses.

What My Sister Hoped For

An improved health care plan was one thing my sister hoped for under a Trump presidency. “This insurance situation has gotten out of hand,” she said. “During the past several years I’ve seen my salary lowered by several hundred dollars a month, several thousand a year. My boss had to cancel the insurance policy for the company because as a small business he couldn’t afford it. I also saw the insurance companies taking advantage of people by raising the premiums by a large percentage every year. The Obama plan was not good insurance. I didn’t want to have it. People I know said it was a terrible plan. Doctors refused to take it, and my friends would have to wait months to see a physician. Donald Trump says he’s going to work hard to give us a better plan. I want to see what he’s going to do. I’m hoping for the best.”
Alicia was hoping for the best, while I was fearing the worst. My colleagues and friends all believed that Hillary Clinton had the election in the bag. She was experienced, she was smart, and she was highly-connected in Washington and around the globe. In my opinion she didn’t run the best campaign she could have. She spent a lot of time portraying herself as the “not Trump” candidate. I thought she could have focused more on her plans for improving the lives of the American people. But she did state her top policy objectives—an economy that works for everyone; debt-free college; preservation of Social Security and Medicare; LGBT rights and equality; gun violence prevention; racial justice; and a fair tax system with the wealthy paying more—and she looked way more presidential in her bearing than the petulant, looming figure that hovered over her during the debates. Both campaigns were negative, though, almost vicious. “This was a campaign of hatred,” said PBS commentator David Brooks.

So imagine my astonishment as my husband and I watched the returns on the evening of November 8th. As the evening wore on and it became clear that Donald Trump had won we both felt like someone had kicked us in the stomach. We went to bed deeply disappointed and slightly dazed.
The next morning I woke up feeling as if everyone I had ever known and loved had died. I felt a profound sense of grief. The world as I knew it had just died, and what would take its place? All of the fears that I had internalized as the child of a conspiracy-theorist mother arose. Would we become like Nazi Germany, I feared? Would my husband and all the liberals I know lose their jobs, put out by those who were now solidly in power? What would happen to my Afghan friend, to my friends of color, to women, to all those people whom the president-elect so roundly insulted and mocked? On days two and three after the election I walked around in a profound state of fear. I asked my husband and a couple of friends, “Could Donald Trump turn himself into a dictator?” “No, we have too many safeguards in place for that to happen,” they all answered. My female friends who had been sexually assaulted were also experiencing their own deep fears—that of being physically and psychologically violated by men who spoke as Donald Trump had about just taking what they wanted from women. The news of hate crimes against gays and people of color began to rise. Things were getting ugly.

I Couldn’t Live in Anger, Fear and Hatred

On day four something shifted. I couldn’t live the next four years in anger, fear and hatred of “the other” — those people who had elected this man. And they all couldn’t be horrible people. Surely some of them were like Alicia who looked at Donald Trump through a different lens. What were they thinking I began to wonder? What did they see? What did they hope for? I like people; I wanted to continue to like people. I didn’t want to live in one camp or tribe, hating or fearing the other. It was then that I decided to go to the source—to interview people who had voted for Donald Trump and see what I could learn.

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